Happy Birthday, Billy!

I know, its been a while. Just either haven’t had time, or well didn’t feel like writing. 😅 Anyway, thanks guys for the support about my brother. It means a lot. 🙂

Stuff has mostly been the same. Except been sick for the last week. My mom is gonna try to get a hold of the doctor in the morning. I gotta get rid of whatever this is! 😡 On the plus I’m off work for the week. Well, I was basically off last week with being sick, but this week I had actually taken off for. 😝

Also this is being written on the 15th, but haven’t gone to bed yet, so to me it still feels like the 14th. Anyway, it was my brother’s birthday. We had decided to send some balloons up in the sky for him, and a sky lantern. Later my aunt brought over some bubble blower to send bubbles up with too. Oh, and my mom had some Megaman toy she had bought for him months ago so she put it in his room.

I’m doing okay about all this. I just…its not that I don’t care. I do…I guess I don’t have room for it right now in my head. In a way it still doesn’t feel real. Its really hit my mom hard…and my dog. She keeps looking for him.

I’ll always love and miss him. He really should still be here.

Anyway, guess that’s all for now.

The funeral

Well, today was the funeral. Before it we had a visitation for people to say good-bye and stuff.

We weren’t sure who would come and were hoping some people would come. We honestly had nothing to worry about. So many people came! The room was packed. Most of them were crying. I guess it shows how many people my brother touched. It’s nice.

My dad said something during the service. He did a great job. He got broken up a bit at the end, but finished! Go dad! The service was nice.

We had a bunch of flowers to take home, and er, my brother. He was cremated. My one cousins wife made a meal for us to take home which was super nice. It wasn’t bad either.

My poor mom was so broken up…so was my sister. My dad was too, but not as badly. I was too, but I don’t always show stuff like that too easily. It depends with me.

We don’t get them yet, but we’re getting three memorial necklaces of my brother’s thumbprint. We have to decide if we want something written on the back yet.

After the funeral we ate the food we were given and I took a nap while listening to The Doors (my brother’s favorite band which I’m growing fond of as well).

I still feel like just sleeping honestly. Its not entirely unusual for me. I get tired so easily.

I’m going to miss him so much. I really loved him…and I still do. I hope he’s in a happier place now.

Rest in peace, Billy…

I guess I should write about this here now.

Sometime Saturday night my brother passed away. 😭 

Let me backtrack a bit. My brother had off from work most of the week. He was real excited about it. However I think it was Thursday, sometime toward the end he got sick with what we assumed was the flu. He was real bad the last few days. He was barely there… 😔 My mom wanted him to go to a doctor or the ER, but he wouldn’t. He was always scared of doctors. I guess my mom had talked to him before he went to bed and was maybe going to go the next day. That’s what I thought I heard her say later.

Anyway, Sunday…things started out okay.

In the morning I did find my brother’s phone in the bathroom behind the toilet. His alarm on it was going off, I just turned it off and put it on top of the toilet. Checked if he was still home later, since it was a bit quiet. Usually I can hear him watching tv or hear his snoring from his room. Didn’t think much of it. I was a bit worried, but ignored it.

Later my mom wanted me to check on him since we hadn’t heard or seen him the whole day. I yelled up to him and yelled outside his door, even banged on it which usually would wake him after a few times, but nothing. Me, my sister, and mom all did it. Eventually my mom went in to check, and she kept trying to wake him up, but he wouldn’t get up no matter what. So, we called 911.

They came and shortly after said he was gone… 😭 He had passed sometime during the night. They assume it may of been something with his heart. My mom thinks he probably had other stuff going on that he didn’t share. My brother…he kept to himself. He was social, but was very private, especially the last few years.

My aunt and uncle, and my other aunt rushed over. I of course called work since I wouldn’t be going the next day. Couple hours later he was taken out to the funeral home.

My mom, dad, and sister are going there soon to get things settled and stuff. I’m staying home.

Its still hard to believe this really happened. It doesn’t feel real. It didn’t really hit me till last night. I had cried some during the day, but at night I did more I think. It just really hit me…that he’s gone, and I’ll never see him again. Not alive anyway. I loved him so much…and he loved us too. Everyone loved him too…I just can’t believe he’s gone. He was only 42…and was gonna have a birthday in a few weeks. In fact my mom had a present already for him. We’re probably just going to put it in his room. Was carrying around a plush of Krillin from Dragon Ball that he got me, I think for my last birthday. He always would try to get me Krillin stuff cause he knew I loved him. He always gave the best gifts.

I just…its still so hard to believe. I love you, Bowe! (my nickname for him since when I was a kid I couldn’t pronounce his name. He didn’t care for it since after everyone called him that, but I always did).