Rest in peace, Billy…

I guess I should write about this here now.

Sometime Saturday night my brother passed away. 😭 

Let me backtrack a bit. My brother had off from work most of the week. He was real excited about it. However I think it was Thursday, sometime toward the end he got sick with what we assumed was the flu. He was real bad the last few days. He was barely there… 😔 My mom wanted him to go to a doctor or the ER, but he wouldn’t. He was always scared of doctors. I guess my mom had talked to him before he went to bed and was maybe going to go the next day. That’s what I thought I heard her say later.

Anyway, Sunday…things started out okay.

In the morning I did find my brother’s phone in the bathroom behind the toilet. His alarm on it was going off, I just turned it off and put it on top of the toilet. Checked if he was still home later, since it was a bit quiet. Usually I can hear him watching tv or hear his snoring from his room. Didn’t think much of it. I was a bit worried, but ignored it.

Later my mom wanted me to check on him since we hadn’t heard or seen him the whole day. I yelled up to him and yelled outside his door, even banged on it which usually would wake him after a few times, but nothing. Me, my sister, and mom all did it. Eventually my mom went in to check, and she kept trying to wake him up, but he wouldn’t get up no matter what. So, we called 911.

They came and shortly after said he was gone… 😭 He had passed sometime during the night. They assume it may of been something with his heart. My mom thinks he probably had other stuff going on that he didn’t share. My brother…he kept to himself. He was social, but was very private, especially the last few years.

My aunt and uncle, and my other aunt rushed over. I of course called work since I wouldn’t be going the next day. Couple hours later he was taken out to the funeral home.

My mom, dad, and sister are going there soon to get things settled and stuff. I’m staying home.

Its still hard to believe this really happened. It doesn’t feel real. It didn’t really hit me till last night. I had cried some during the day, but at night I did more I think. It just really hit me…that he’s gone, and I’ll never see him again. Not alive anyway. I loved him so much…and he loved us too. Everyone loved him too…I just can’t believe he’s gone. He was only 42…and was gonna have a birthday in a few weeks. In fact my mom had a present already for him. We’re probably just going to put it in his room. Was carrying around a plush of Krillin from Dragon Ball that he got me, I think for my last birthday. He always would try to get me Krillin stuff cause he knew I loved him. He always gave the best gifts.

I just…its still so hard to believe. I love you, Bowe! (my nickname for him since when I was a kid I couldn’t pronounce his name. He didn’t care for it since after everyone called him that, but I always did).

Puppy antics and surgery!

Figured I should actually post. 😆

Not a ton going on really. Mostly the usual, work, laziness, blah, blah, blah.

My sister did however just get surgery done. On her hand. Its been messed up since a car accident that happened last year. She’s in a lot of pain, and can’t do a lot right now. On the plus she’s out of work for it. She’ll be down around six to twelve weeks. Hopefully she’ll get the full twelve. That’s what I would do. I wouldn’t hurry back, plus she won’t be able to get a vacation like she usually does around now anyway. Plus she has to make sure she’s okay to work.

While she’s recovering her dog has been staying with her. She really can’t handle her like she is right now. Poor thing was so confused last night when my sister left without her. She waited for her to come back and was crying. Eventually she chilled out and went to sleep on my bed. Poor baby. Though I don’t mind. She’s so cuddly! 😍 I actually had her dog and mine upstairs in bed last night. Though mine left after a short while. The other one has to stay in so she doesn’t bother mine. Sometimes she gets too frisky with her and wants to play when mine doesn’t and they fight a tad. Nothing major, my dog just tells her to knock it off really. She’s super gentle with animals.

Yuck, just had to kill an ant that was crawling about on my desk. EVIL!

Oh yeah, my sister’s dog, has a new little game. In the hallway to get outside there are two doors. She will come down the stairs and follow people outside. She did it twice! Each time she just strolls out! So we gotta be careful with shutting the first door so she can’t access the one that leads outside. Dumb dog. I wish she was a little dumber sometimes. 😆

Well, that’s all for now! Till next time! …Whenever that is! 😆

Don’t be afraid!

I just finished reading volume 5 of Idol Dreams. Really awesome manga, highly recommend it!

Anyway…there was a bit about writing lyrics that I found…well just hit me cause I could relate.

It basically was about being afraid of angering other people with what you try to express, and how you shouldn’t worry about it, pretty much. When you don’t it sounds…well not as well as it could be.

I related because I often do that. Not just with writing, but a lot of stuff. I get scared to disagree with people, or hold back either not wanting to get into stuff or am just afraid for whatever reason.

I know I should open up more. I want to try. No idea how it will go, but, I’d like to try.

Anyway, just wanted to share this.