Home Site Me Caludin

Some personal things…

I do have to get my rear to bed, which I will…shortly. I know I’m due for a post here, plus some things I’d like to well write out. Maybe.

I have a tendency to think I should only post about the more positive things. Which I guess is dumb. I guess I shouldn’t care what people do think about I write here or not. Its really meant to be my little spot on the web and I shouldn’t be afraid of that, here or well…anywhere honestly. I lack confidence so I do struggle with that sort of thing. I’ve lost a lot of it over the last couple years, which I need to gain back. I guess really I should only care what I think of myself and well like God and Jesus.

But anyway…I’ve been struggling a lot over the last couple years. Some of it is confidence. Some is my constant worrying. I worry about every possible thing I can just about. And I don’t trust my answers. I tend to go to my mother, which is fine, but I rely too much on her. Its not good for either of us. Plus I know the answers by now, but I still don’t trust myself. And honestly in the end, worrying does nothing. But I just get scared something bad will happen if I don’t. I have ignored them at times, and I find I do better then, but I really have to fight to not ask my mom. This is actually why I’m on anti-depression medication mostly. Though I do suffer from depression as well. Sometimes its real bad, others not so much. I’ve always had issues with this, its just gotten worse the last couple years or so. I also have the tendency to fight against it sort of. I don’t let the medicine do its job. I almost look for things to worry about. I don’t want to…it just happens.

Some of it might be anxiety. I’m not sure really.

I’ve been going to a new doctor for the last few months. My other doctor mostly just gave me my medicine, this one includes a counselor. I’m not sure what I think of it yet. I have a real hard time talking to them. I tend to be quiet and shy, plus I feel like she’ll judge me. Which I know I shouldn’t…her job is to help me.

I’ve been meditating on and off over the year. Mostly on, which I do find helps sometimes. Sometimes more then other times. I do enjoy that.

I’m sure no one is interested in this stuff, but like I said before I really shouldn’t care about that should i? Honestly it wasn’t exactly a entry I was planning…I just decided out of the blue to do it after pestering my mom with questions. She’s mostly patient with it, but…I need to rely on myself too. I guess…I just need to try harder, and fight it. I gotta be strong! Everything will be fine eventually.

Plugs: Jamie, Senyth, Adrianne, and Sheena, Georgie

Posted on January 7th, 2018 in Health, Offline by Megan. 10 Comments

Posted on January 8th, 2018, at 3:12 pm by Edel.

I also tend to post only positive things. I think a part of it is that I feel like most negative things that I feel is too personal to post online. I wouldn’t tell some of my friends these things, why should I post it on the Internet? And nowadays, privacy is hard to come by. Especially since I’m using my real name which is highly unique (congrats on making the transition to using your real name, by the way!).

I wouldn’t say no on is interested in that stuff. I do like it when people share their personal struggles because no on is perfect. I am technically diagnosed with depression but sometimes I feel like I just go through periods of depression. I haven’t yet found what works for me either. Maybe I’ll try meditating. I’ve done it a couple of times but not enough to make a habit of it.

Posted on January 8th, 2018, at 3:54 pm by Megan.

Thank you. =3 It is nice to know someone else goes through similar things! You should definitely try meditation more! I rather enjoy it, and sometimes it just feels so amazing!

Posted on January 8th, 2018, at 4:05 pm by Chynna.

You can post whatever you want your blog ~ it’s *your* blog, after all. Whether that be a place to vent your frustrations or let out how much you’re excited about XYZ, you do you!

It’s good to share your story because you can always find people that relate. The blogging community is so vast and you can go out there and make new connections, which can hopefully help with some of the things like confidence 🙂

You got this, girl. 2018 is going to be YOUR year <3

Posted on January 8th, 2018, at 4:09 pm by Megan.

Thank you so much! *hugs* That really brightened my day! =D ITS ALL OUR YEAR THIS YEAR! *cheers*

Posted on January 8th, 2018, at 9:18 pm by Mikari.

Your blog should be a safe place to vent and let things out. Don’t worry about what other people think, it’s your blog, plus there’s nothing wrong with sharing your concerns. I hope your situation gets easier, though I know these things take time. Just take it one day at a time and do your best.

Posted on January 10th, 2018, at 5:09 pm by Megan.

Thank you! *hugs*

Posted on January 9th, 2018, at 10:58 pm by Adrianne.

The only time that I would write something on the downside would be something that can be relatable to other people. I know that I don’t get that many readers, and that’s fine. Most of my negative thoughts are private and personal, and those I write them manually in a journal. Sometimes I would use my journal to gather a few ideas on what I can write about in my blog, and rather than talking about the problem, I’d write about the solution and the aftermath instead.

Although sometimes, I feel that there are some bloggers out there who are a little *too* private and personal with their negative issues being posted in public. It makes me feel uncomfortable when they mention names also, or that if they talk negatively about their family members (regardless of how good or bad their relationships are outside of the internet) as if they’re expecting their audience to take sides or joining in the ranting against people they’ve never met. To me it’s like, there are other people out there who don’t have a particular family member in their lives, like a mother or a father or a brother or sister, and then here are the others who do have them and humiliating them in public behind their back by being written on their blogs in public. No offense to some who do this, but I tend to stay away from blogs like that repeatedly. I don’t know if I’m explaining it correctly but I do hope you understand what I’m trying to say ^^

It’s okay to rant sometimes. We all do, it’s natural. But there should be a limit to writing about rants in general so that more readers can come and visit and see a variety of content without a “common theme” in them, you know? ^^

Posted on January 10th, 2018, at 5:07 pm by Megan.

I get what you mean. I’ve come across blogs like that and find them a bit dull.

Posted on January 25th, 2018, at 12:42 am by Georgie.

Not everyone is comfortable with opening up on the internet. And I can understand you only wanting to blog about the positive things. In fact, I personally used to write on my blog very openly about my depression when I was in my late teens. As time went on, I actually really didn’t want to write about that kind of thing and wanted to remain positive – but of course, not necessarily “hiding” the negative stuff. I think I felt conscious about what my readers were reading? So essentially the opposite of what you are feeling now.

That said, it’s OK to be open about what isn’t as positive, because no one’s life is perfect, and I think the struggles we go through are what make us feel more human. At least on the internet, where you have limited interaction with others. I still write about when I’m struggling, but I don’t write as much detail as I used to. I don’t want to discourage people or trigger them – I think a lot of the details I wrote when I was younger (and more naive) might have triggered some people, now that I look back. 😦 I think I read through it a little bit some time ago, and even I found it triggering 😖

You are strong and you’ll get through this alright! ❤️

Posted on January 26th, 2018, at 4:07 pm by Megan.

Thank you so much! *hugs*

Sometimes it can be hard if something should be posted publicly. I guess just gotta write about what feels right!


Name: Megan
Nicknames: Maroon and Maroon Caludin
Gender: Female
Birthdate: September 25th
Age: 32
Occupation: McDonalds employee
Hobbies: Writing, drawing, reading, games, computer, role playing, web design, cartoons, comics, manga/anime, web comics, and animals Read More