Rest in peace, Billy…

I guess I should write about this here now.

Sometime Saturday night my brother passed away. 😭 

Let me backtrack a bit. My brother had off from work most of the week. He was real excited about it. However I think it was Thursday, sometime toward the end he got sick with what we assumed was the flu. He was real bad the last few days. He was barely there… 😔 My mom wanted him to go to a doctor or the ER, but he wouldn’t. He was always scared of doctors. I guess my mom had talked to him before he went to bed and was maybe going to go the next day. That’s what I thought I heard her say later.

Anyway, Sunday…things started out okay.

In the morning I did find my brother’s phone in the bathroom behind the toilet. His alarm on it was going off, I just turned it off and put it on top of the toilet. Checked if he was still home later, since it was a bit quiet. Usually I can hear him watching tv or hear his snoring from his room. Didn’t think much of it. I was a bit worried, but ignored it.

Later my mom wanted me to check on him since we hadn’t heard or seen him the whole day. I yelled up to him and yelled outside his door, even banged on it which usually would wake him after a few times, but nothing. Me, my sister, and mom all did it. Eventually my mom went in to check, and she kept trying to wake him up, but he wouldn’t get up no matter what. So, we called 911.

They came and shortly after said he was gone… 😭 He had passed sometime during the night. They assume it may of been something with his heart. My mom thinks he probably had other stuff going on that he didn’t share. My brother…he kept to himself. He was social, but was very private, especially the last few years.

My aunt and uncle, and my other aunt rushed over. I of course called work since I wouldn’t be going the next day. Couple hours later he was taken out to the funeral home.

My mom, dad, and sister are going there soon to get things settled and stuff. I’m staying home.

Its still hard to believe this really happened. It doesn’t feel real. It didn’t really hit me till last night. I had cried some during the day, but at night I did more I think. It just really hit me…that he’s gone, and I’ll never see him again. Not alive anyway. I loved him so much…and he loved us too. Everyone loved him too…I just can’t believe he’s gone. He was only 42…and was gonna have a birthday in a few weeks. In fact my mom had a present already for him. We’re probably just going to put it in his room. Was carrying around a plush of Krillin from Dragon Ball that he got me, I think for my last birthday. He always would try to get me Krillin stuff cause he knew I loved him. He always gave the best gifts.

I just…its still so hard to believe. I love you, Bowe! (my nickname for him since when I was a kid I couldn’t pronounce his name. He didn’t care for it since after everyone called him that, but I always did).

Posted on June 24th, 2019, at 4:00 pm by Jaluna Rolik.

I’m so, so sorry to hear this happened! I know what it’s like to have a relative that doesn’t talk much about themselves but is otherwise very social. It’s a common issue my extended family has, actually. The only thing I can hope is that he died without pain, though I can’t guess with it being heart related if it was or not… But I can hope. And I do. >w<

And I'm proud of you for letting yourself cry. I couldn't cry for a month when my grandfather died- I was just numb, totally numb. I refused to feel anything at all… And that's just not healthy. So thank you for showing once more your inner strength. I'm thankful to you for it.

Posted on June 28th, 2019, at 9:02 pm by Megan.

Honestly my whole family (well closest part) often has a hard time with being social. My brother was actually the best in that regard.

I honestly have always been pretty sensitive with crying. Well, for some things. I’ve lost grandparents and a great aunt before. I didn’t cry too much with them if at all. I guess cause my brother’s closer to home.

Anyway, thank you.

Posted on June 26th, 2019, at 5:07 am by Michelle.

I lost my cousin a few years back but to suicide but regardless of how it happens, it still hurts. I’m here if you need anyone.

Posted on June 28th, 2019, at 9:00 pm by Megan.

I’m so sorry about that. 😭 No matter what I guess stuff like this always hurts. I’m here too if you ever need anyone!

Posted on June 29th, 2019, at 2:49 am by Tiffany.

I’m so sorry for your lost, it always hard when you lose someone unexpectedly, last year I lost my nephew two days before he turned five months, and my stepdad suddenly this year, and it was very hard. So my heart is with you and your family in this time. <3

Posted on June 29th, 2019, at 8:30 pm by Megan.

Oh gosh, I’m so sorry! *hugs*

You’re right it is hard, especially when its so sudden. Thanks so much!