I’ve gone into my lovely habit of disappearing again! Oops! 😅 If it makes ya feel better I do it on my forum too! 😆
Anyway, its Sunday so its my usual running around doing chores and chilling in between. This is one of my between times so I decided to finally update here!
As usual I’ve been feeling quite anxious, but today I feel quite good! 😊 I think its a combo of making myself ignore stuff (worries and stuff) and making myself do stuff (yay productiveness!). I really gotta do this regularly. It would probably help me a lot.
Which reminds me. I have a doctor appointment tomorrow. She’ll probably want to check if I feel a difference with the medication I’ve been taking for bipolar issues. Honestly not sure what to tell her. My mom said she noticed a difference. For me, its hard to tell. I have this habit where when I start medications like that and I feel like its magically working, and then once I have a problem I feel like it isn’t. My mom thinks its a confidence thing, which it probably is. That and I tend to fight against anything that might help me. I guess I just gotta let go and let stuff happen. Easier said then done though!
Well, I guess I’ll leave this here. Hopefully I’ll write way sooner this time!
I know some of you may be wondering where my latest post went? Well, I had an issue with my forum (again!) and had to have my host (Thanks, Host Prestige!) do a back up which worked! 😊 Sadly, it was from before my post so lost that. Not planning on re-writing it.
But the gist of it was, that I was given some more medication (for bipolar along with my anti-depressions). I seem to be doing much better lately. ☺️
In fact…today has been a pretty good day. Especially considering how tired I was today! I slept horrid last night! Went to bed late (from messing with my site), and had a hard time sleeping so I got maybe three hours of sleep. But I got up feeling decent.
I’ve also decided to ditch the gratitude journal I was using (I have others too, but not using em yet), and decided to go back to the Five Minute Journal. I love the structure of it. I ordered a new one and till it comes I’ll use the app. Started it today, and it felt lovely. 😊
So, yeah, pretty good day, and am feeling really good!
Now I have to get ready for bed soon! Night!
I do have to get my rear to bed, which I will…shortly. I know I’m due for a post here, plus some things I’d like to well write out. Maybe.
I have a tendency to think I should only post about the more positive things. Which I guess is dumb. I guess I shouldn’t care what people do think about I write here or not. Its really meant to be my little spot on the web and I shouldn’t be afraid of that, here or well…anywhere honestly. I lack confidence so I do struggle with that sort of thing. I’ve lost a lot of it over the last couple years, which I need to gain back. I guess really I should only care what I think of myself and well like God and Jesus.
But anyway…I’ve been struggling a lot over the last couple years. Some of it is confidence. Some is my constant worrying. I worry about every possible thing I can just about. And I don’t trust my answers. I tend to go to my mother, which is fine, but I rely too much on her. Its not good for either of us. Plus I know the answers by now, but I still don’t trust myself. And honestly in the end, worrying does nothing. But I just get scared something bad will happen if I don’t. I have ignored them at times, and I find I do better then, but I really have to fight to not ask my mom. This is actually why I’m on anti-depression medication mostly. Though I do suffer from depression as well. Sometimes its real bad, others not so much. I’ve always had issues with this, its just gotten worse the last couple years or so. I also have the tendency to fight against it sort of. I don’t let the medicine do its job. I almost look for things to worry about. I don’t want to…it just happens.
Some of it might be anxiety. I’m not sure really.
I’ve been going to a new doctor for the last few months. My other doctor mostly just gave me my medicine, this one includes a counselor. I’m not sure what I think of it yet. I have a real hard time talking to them. I tend to be quiet and shy, plus I feel like she’ll judge me. Which I know I shouldn’t…her job is to help me.
I’ve been meditating on and off over the year. Mostly on, which I do find helps sometimes. Sometimes more then other times. I do enjoy that.
I’m sure no one is interested in this stuff, but like I said before I really shouldn’t care about that should i? Honestly it wasn’t exactly a entry I was planning…I just decided out of the blue to do it after pestering my mom with questions. She’s mostly patient with it, but…I need to rely on myself too. I guess…I just need to try harder, and fight it. I gotta be strong! Everything will be fine eventually.